I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
