She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
