so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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