What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
