he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
