so that wasnt chicken after all
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's never too late to be topless.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
