you win again, gameday.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
