you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
