i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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