i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
