At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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