ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the condom got lost in my hair
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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