my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
barbara walters just said penis...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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