You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
