taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
