Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
