The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
