two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
