I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
