Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
