She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
where are my pants?
in the oven.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
