I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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