I hope mine doesn't look like that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
