it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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