I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
