thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
