Screwed.edu
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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