i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
