And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
