I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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