Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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