May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
