he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
