if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
