glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i need some magic done to my vagina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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