Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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