so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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