I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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