Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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