No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
