i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can vaginas get frostbite?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
