Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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