i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
