You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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