His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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