We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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