She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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