I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
