Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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