dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
