i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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