apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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