Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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