take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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