I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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