The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
