Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just forgot I was standing up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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