On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
