How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
