He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
