I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
