cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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