I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
