So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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