I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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