We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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