I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize