I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
