he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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