Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
