i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
