someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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